I'm going out of town for a few days and will be without the internets. I'm packing. I always forget something. I've got:

• shoes 

• shirts

• undies

• pants

• socks

•iPod 

• a list of things to memorize [food, wine, touch, words, desire, walls, whispers, possession]

• toast

• coffee filters

• toothbrush toothpaste deodorant shampoo 

• camera and charger

• phone charger

• shorts to sleep in

• more shirts

• rain jacket

• beanie

• sweater [just in case]

• sunglasses

• tie [just in case]

Now. What am I forgetting? 

 

 

I like fresh coffee in the morning.

I like guacamole.

I like fresh garlic.

I like TV and movies with quick witty dialog.

I like classic rock.

I like indie rock.

I like to see people smile.

I like it when I find out that I can avoid the dumb banner ads on web pages. Firefox has an ad-on called ABP [ad blocker pro] and I didn't realize anything about it until I saw that my mom's firefox had it. It just makes the ads blank spaces. So those stupid mouse over ads don't make sounds or move or grow big or whatever they do to annoy you. But now it seems that they are testing and looking into an upgrade for AdBlocker that just doesn't make the banner ads blanks but makes them images of Art. Cool, eh?

 

Ug, today was a rough one. i guess they can't all be great days. I survived the tornadoes and hail yesterday. But today a good number of things just didn't go right.

*sigh*

 

The planets in the solar system rotate counter-clockwise, except Venus, Uranus and Pluto which rotate clockwise.  

I don't know why but I find the Dos Exes Ads about the Most Interesting Man in the World to be very funny. It's a large campaign with banner ads and print ads and job application and multiple tv spots.

Maybe it's the mix of exotic [pressing tuxes on safari] and the mundane [putting salad dressing right on top of the salad where it belongs where there is no turning back] - I dunno but I find it funny.

 

Did I tell you what I did for Mother's Day?

After buying my mom a nice breakfast, I did any yard work she asked. I built a temporary hot-box to put over one of her gardens for her peppers and Tomatoes. I planets tomatoes and peppers and did anything she asked really.

Then that evening, while eating some chips and guacamole in the kitchen, I whispered to her, "Mom, I have something I need to tell you." A look of horror - no, a look of 'Oh, no, what did you do now' came across her face.

You see, I have gotten in a bit of trouble since I have been back in CO. She clearly knew that I had yet another issue to tell her. It was almost as if i had taken her wonderful day and smashed it.

But I told her what I needed to say. I said, "Mom, I love guacamole." And then laughed and told her about the look on her face.

What a great son I am. 

 

I know I cannot be the only one.

No, I don't find it creepy.

I do not care about IbeatYou.

I don't care who chanelged who.

I just think Jessica Alba staring at me is pretty darn hot. 

I cannot be the only one. 

Not that I don't think videos of her swimming are bad or anything ... 

 

 

Monday, I went and got my measurements taken at The Men's Warehouse [I'm wearing a tux in a few weeks] and I wanted to share my story with you. I know, I know, that is cleavage to the right. Read on and I will explain how the cleavage relates ...

When i walked into The Men's Warehouse [TMW], I came with all I thought I would need. I walk in and see an elderly man and his equally elderly wife arguing at the front counter with an employee. I feel for the guy. he's just trying to do his job and someone is upset about something that is probably out of his control. I'm tempted to eaves-drop and see what the argument is about. But I'm there to get measured and get measured is what I need to do.

I start to walk  bit more into the store when i realize that I have no idea where I am supposed to go to get married and for some reason this TMW is ... well, it's big like a ... like a warehouse. Yes, yes, I just said that The Men's Warehouse was big like a Warehouse.  

I look around for a free employee but they all seem to be handling some customer somehow. I suddenly get a flash in my head that I'm getting measured and I hope it's not getting measured like Joey's tailor measures. I get brought back to reality because Friends wasn't all that funny. Then the thought hits me that maybe female employee might measure me. Then she could be like Joey's tailor if she wants.

As i scan around for an open employee or a sign saying .. oh, I dunno, "Get Measured Here," I see this petite, cute, girl making her way toward me. now, of course, i am the type of guy that notices a girl's eyes first ... or her laugh/smile, but the first thing I notice about this girl is hat her dress is showing off a good amount of cleavage. As she gets closer, I see a good amount of bounce and jiggle.

She is wearing a dress that has it's top cut a lot like  Aria's top to the right is done. Except there is a bit of a loose fit. So, it moves around it seems.

Right before I am thoroughly hypnotized, I realize that she is not just walking in my general direction but that she is walking strait towards me. She then starts talking to me.

"Can I help you?" Egads! She works here! I spurt out that I need to be measured. She turns around and tells me to follow her. Which is not a difficult task. At this point, I'm just hoping that she isn't taking me to Joey's tailor.

When she grabs a measuring tape from a co-worker, I know that there are much worse things that I could be doing at this point in my day. Yes, yes, far worse fates could have befallen me. She sees the paper work that I have pulled out about the tux and she asks me if I am getting married. I of course reassure her [probably more than once] that I am single - outstandingly single.

As she goes around me and measures me, I cannot help but look at this bountiful cleavage that she is showing off. I marvel that it is actually staying in her dress and not jumping out at times. I try not to look but i can see it in my peripheral vision even.

After a bit, I'm tempted to ask her if I can take her picture - just to prove to you readers that this was actually happening - but that just seemed a bit rude and well, I didn't want her to take any actions that might cover her up ...

Well, there is not good way to end this story. Yes, I of course flirted with her. talked about her job and what she was doing in life and such. What she was studying in school and other jibber jabber. And as i left, i thought, "What excuse can I make to go back to TMW and see if she dresses like that everyday?"

 

 

It's supposed to snow today. It's 13 May - MAY!

 

 

A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.  
 

Why is the economic stimulus package money based on one's tax return and not a flat xhundred dollars?  

So, there was this online survey. I was told it was optional to fill out but then got a reminder to fill it out. *shrug* so, I started filling it out. Then i came to this question that asked about my computer - I gave a long detailed answer.

Then there was the question about what makes me different than others filling out this survey ... or something like that. And this is what i answered:

The police often question me. Just because they find me interesting.  My beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire body. When I order a salad, I get the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs...where there is no turning back. You can see my charisma from space. In every contentment in the world there is a sandwich named after me. I leave the tight pants to the ladies. Some people say that you need to dress for success. I am not one of those people. If there were an interesting gland, mine would be larger than most men's entire lower intestines. I feel being boring is a choice. Those mild salsas and pleated khakis don't buy themselves. Even if I forget to put postage on my mail, it gets there. I feel "Happy Hour" is the hour after everyone from happy hour has left. My pillow talk is years ahead of its time. I'm known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into a room. My organ donation card also lists my chest hair. I found what in life I do not do well. I do not do that thing. I have also found It's never too early to start beefing up your obituary. I do not want to be like Mike. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bow staff. Chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.

And at the bottom I put a link to this picture:

 

 

Or as the cool kids call it "cinco"

how am i celebrating? Wiht a dinner of pasta and brussle spouts ... hmmm, not very Mexican is it? 

 

I had a good time last saturday night.

 

I thought I would share some of the things I heard/said that night ... or at least what I could remember as I remembered it:

"I was given simple rules: Don't end up in jail and don't end up in the hospital." 

"The iPhone has failed us again."

"It's an emulsion."

"What? I'm sorry, I'm looking up ASU cheerleaders right now." 

"It must be prom night."

"That is Brad's job."

"It's not jail and it's not the hospital. Drink up."

 

"It's not over here? OK EVERYBODY. We need to turn around." 

"You know what to order me." 

"She is the aggressive one with the stripes."

"To the Scottish pub!"

"I don't think my hand has every had this many stamps on it."

"The Scottish pub is dead. Let's go to the next place."

"I sent them all a message that said, 'We're married.'" 

"It's a reggae band?"

"I think we should go before the band starts playing."

"Can we have more than one drink here?"

"We don't serve energy drinks."

"What kind of girlie shots did we order?"

"It's got an upstairs and downstairs. So, it's like two bars in one."

"How many more bars do we have left?"

"That is a good line."
"It's not a line."
"It's a line. But it's a good line."

"Are you really going to hold their purses?"

 

"I couldn't get my bill. So, I used those girl's boobs to get it."

"You didn't bring your leather jacket."

"What did you think of the bathroom?"

"It's not jail and it's not the hospital."

"I think 25 dollars may be too much."

"I said the other one earlier but I think this one is the one."

"They said we were a restaurant." 

"I cannot believe it is 4am already."

"No more photo ops!"

 

 

• Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

• The Broncos drafted two O-lineman who weight over 300 pounds. Before that draft, i think they only had one [1] O-lineman over 300 in the past 8 years - maybe longer. It's clear that they want to have the ability to make a big pocket for Cutler to throw in instead of having him throw on the run.

• Fort Collins is a flat town but the slight incline when I am riding my bike from east to west kicks my butt.

• I sent a text message [SMS] out this morning that read: "You know you live in CO when its 70 one day and snows the next. Happy May Day."

• I concur with this assessment of the Post Secret talk. 

• Assessment is spelled with four "S"s.

• Little things do stress me out sometimes but I'm usually pretty good with criticism. But for some reason lately, criticisms/positive feedback about how and why I am doing things has been really bugging me.

• An Australian scientist has invented a bra which offers more support and prevents a woman's breasts from bouncing up and down. After announcing his invention, the scientist was taken outside where a large group of men beat the shit out of him.   

• The local theater put up on its marque that the String Cheese Incident will be there on the 17th but they will not be. They will be in Red Rocks and that concert will be broadcast to the Aggie Theater in Fort Collins. Lame.

• I have no coffee willpower. I see someone drink some and i want some. i got some in the mail yesterday and just HAD to open it and brew some.

• My part time job is turning into a full-time job. I have mixed feelings about that. We will see how it goes.

• I wear my heart on my sleeve. Lately, it really seems to be clear as everyone seems to know what I'm thinking.

• I need to take more pictures with my camera.

• I'm going back to VA at the end of this month for a wedding. I haven't told many people that I will be back in the area because I don't think I will have time for them. Is that rude of me?