I know that it is still 6 weeks until Movenber. But I've been waking up lately thinking about what type of mo I am going to grow.

A quick google images search of mos has me wondering. I don't think i want to go all big and long but I don' want to look like a 70s bad cop with a short one.

Oh, if only I had the lip to try and pull off a Tom Selleck or a Sam Elliott.

 

 

What do green olives stuffed with jalapeno peppers have in common with peanut butter?

There are multiple jars of them at my place. It seems my mom thinks that i go through a jar of peanut butter and a jar of olives each week because she buys a jar of each for me each week.

I should have a martini party just to get rid of the olives.

 

While I was working Sunday, two very intoxicated men came into the store asking for directions to the local tire store. Despite their insistence, I knew of no tire store nearby. These guys can barely stand. They are incredibly drunk.

I watched them leave and then head out to their car in the parking lot that had a flat tire. After a bit of stumbling around, they seem to realize that there is a spare tire in the trunk of their car. This is when i call the local police to tell them about a couple of drunks [who are still drinking BTW] changing the tire on their car with the intent of leaving.

Fort Collins is not that big. One can drive from one end to the other is 20 minutes. Maybe 30 if traffic is rough. More than an hour later, these drunks are no longer in the parking lot. I had watched them while I wasn't working and they were having a lot of trouble figuring out how to work the jack. 

An hour ofter I called, they were still working on the tire and still drinking and still stumbling around. The police? No where to be seen. In fact, I did not see any police the whole day.

What a joke. The Fort Collins Police suck.

 

I cleaned my apartment today. It looks different clean.

I doubt it will last long but I will try.

 

Ah, the Broncos new regime is full of idiots it seems.

I dont' look forward to their top five pick that they willhave next year because of the cap hit it will inflict - but worse is the watching them win less than 4 games this year.

 

Yesterday was like this for me:

 

I like days like that.

 

One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a while.
 
They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned over to John. "Don't look now," I whispered, "but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he's got a gun."
 
Without hesitating, John turned to me. "Quick, Brad," he said, "kiss me on the mouth!"
 

I've collected some random thoughts lately and I thought I would share them with you:

• I like the big fat green olives but the real fat green olives with jalapeno peppers stuffed in them are really good. I've become a bit crazy with them. As I seem to eat some each day.

• I don't like rating a woman on how hot she is on the 1-10 scale. I would rather that we all start rating them on how far one would drive to be with said girl. And I'm not just talking drive all 1000 miles. I'm talking get off work drive to see said girl and then drive back to go to work the next day. That way there is a maximum amount of driving. Last time I suggested this system to a guy, he asked me why I would drive to see a girl. He obviously has lost his lust for life.

• I think if you like chai tea lattes, you should try one with soy milk. No, this isn't more of my vegan propaganda but rather that I think the soy milk makes the chai taste better. Try it, you'll like it.

• The back door of my apartment complex finally has a closing arm on it. you know the thingy that closes a door if someone doesn't try to close it? Well, after all my time here and making sure to close th door behind me, it is kinda weird to have the door closing on it's own and I'm sure anyone seeing me getting thrown around by the back door must get a laugh.

• If I am not wearing my work clothes, the guys I work with just do not recognize me.

• Yes, yes, pop tarts do go well with coffee in the morning but I think cherry pie goes with coffee better.

• Safeway's "Toasted Oats" are just not as good as cheerios.

• A Monroe piercing is placed off-center, above the upper lip and is meant to resemble a beauty spot; it is also known as a 'Madonna' or 'Crawford'.

• I did not enjoy Burn After Reading as I don't find Brad Pitt trying to be funny as funny. And John Malkovich has never ... inspired me. But George Clooney's character did make me laugh.

• I get paid on the 5th and the 20th. It's always just a bit too off for me. I have no idea why i am not paid on the 1st and 15th.

Now, wear are my olives ....

 

Have you ever slept so good at night that when you wake up in the morning, you do not know where you are or what day it is?

That was last night for me.

 

I'm not always a big fan of having my picture taken. I've decided that from now on, when someone takes my photo, I'm going to do a bit of mugging. I've drawn inspiration from Bruce Willis of all people.

 

here is my first attempt:

 

 

Here are some things that I noticed recently that must be different because of the new year. Must be the new year:

• My netflix is suggesting Bollywood movies. Must be the new year.

• Yesterday was a day off for me and I shaved. I sooo rarely shave on my days off.Must be the new year.

• I sent an email to a very astute person. In this email i asked about an actress known for being in bikinis or naked. I had a link as well. Now, any astute person would realize that all links about this actress will not be safe for work. Right? I guess not. Must be the new year.

• I have always been able to hear my neighbors easily but it seems lately that i can hear them much more clearly. Must be the new year.

I'm sure that their is something else and I cannot wait to see what the rest of the new year has to offer.

 

it's New Year's Eve and I'm not sure what to wear tonight. Yes, Neil, pants sound like an excellent idea. And, Yes mom, I know it will be cold out so i will wear a jacket. But what shirt should I wear?

Here are the leading contenders. Tell me what you think:

 

 

 

 

 

Or should I wear a Dick Casablancas shirt?

i just do not kno what to wear.

 

I am not dead.

Although, the other day I sure felt it. Yes, I'm quite disapointed by my Broncos. Yes, I had too much to drink the other night and "thought" that I might die. 

But I'm not dead.

 

Let me just say that scalping tickets to a benefit concert at 3-10 times face value should punch a direct ticket to a fire and brimstone afterlife.

There are some concerts i want to see in December. But something tells me [my wallet i think] that i won't see them ...

3 Dec 08
Trans-Siberian Orchestra

5 Dec 08
Smashing Pumpkins

6 Dec 08
Fall Out Boy

7 Dec 08
Snow Patrol

8 Dec 08
Oasis

9 Dec 08
The Sounds  

13 Dec 08
The Fray

17 Dec 08
Neil Diamond    

19 Dec 08   
Neil Diamond

30 Dec 08
Flogging Molly

And I really want to see that Snow Patrol show. Just not sure I want to spend the scalper's prices.

 

Today for Thanksgiving, I threw the football around. I must have thrown the ball about 40-50 times. During my first few throws it was PAINFULLY obvious that I had not thrown the ball in a while. And now, i am tired and my arm is sore.

See, it all started with my cousin's son. His name is Zack and he is in first grade. And he throws a much better spiral than I do. Zack got me to go throw the ball around with him.

After a while his grandma [my aunt] came out and told me, "You aren't going to tire him out" and I laughed and reassured her that I wasn't trying to tire her grandson out. But really, I was. it got serious when I took my jacket off. And of course, the moment my jacket came off, his sweatshirt came off.

My mom and her sister came out to watch. This is where I noticed my slightly mocking humor showing up in my mom. I wondered if i got it from her as I threw the ball slightly to Zack's left to get him to run after the ball a bit more.

For a bit there, i thought i had him slowed down. But then he started returning throws as if he was a punt returner. And of course, I cannot let him just run past me. I HAD to try and tackle him. Or pick him up as he ran by. or knock the ball out of his little hands as he went by. I have the grass stains on my brown cords to prove it.

We had a big collision where his rock hard skull almost destroyed my glass jaw. he laughed and I laughed and it seemed that this tackle had taken the wind out of his sails. But I soon realized that he was just slowing down to make sure I was OK before we had another barrage of passes and run backs and mock-tackles.

In the end, he won. I grabbed his sweatshirt and threw it at him and we sat down lawn chairs to talk for a bit before my tired bones limped out of the cold day into the warm house. As we sat there petting dogs and talking about the NFL and his adventures in sports, his grandmother walked out to check on us and said to me,"You've got a friend for life now."

So, tomorrow, my arm will be sore and I'm sure my hips will be too. But, hey! I have a new friend.

 

Have you ever made plans? Perfect plans? And then someone says, "Dont think i wont call the police."?

Happened to me. True story.

 

 

My coffee tasted especially good this morning for some reason.

Mmmmm, good coffee ....

 

 

It seems some one was a bit too into Halloween while in my neighborhood. 

 

 

Hmmm, wonder if I will meet any scantily clad co-eds tonight?

[*insert picture of college girls dressed up for Halloween here*]

Come on people, it's the internets. you can find these pictures yourself.

 

I'm blogging from my car. I'm stuck behind a train. I thought it was the sloqest train EVER. But now that it has stopped ... Great! Now it's going backwards ... I'm glad I'm not in a hurry to go anywhere ...  

This actually happened to me this morning.

 

Well, my mom didn't show up and yell at me but my bed wouldn't let me go this morning …

 

I love free stuff.

I so enjoy my punch cards. No, not the old computer punch cards. The "Buy X of something and get some thign free" punch cards.

Yesterday, I ate lunch and had an afternoon cup of coffee without spending a dime.

Punch cards are great!

 

It seems I had no ice in my freezer tonight - well, two chunks but not really enough for a big tall capt&coke - and I realize that I need someone to make ice for me.

Or to at least remind me to make ice. Or i need to drink more beer. Or something like that.