Yep, you heard me.  That’s why it’s in really big letters ;-)  There are 84 excellent uses for the Barber Pole, even in it’s simple game text of: Plays on table.  In fact, that’s why it says so little, because you have to find all the cool things for it to do yourself!  But, I thought I’d save you some time and help with the search.  Not only are there uses in the game but there’s even ones that can be used in the greater schemes in life.  You know, that place where you exist without ST:CCG…..you do exist without ST:CCG right?  Right???

 Well…um….moving on….

 Here’s 42 uses in the game that the Barber Pole can provide for you, some of them even game breaking! ;-)

 By the way, if you’re wondering why it’s 42, read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series, it makes for some great reading.

1. Makes a great card to grab with a Gift Box.
2. Great Tantalus Field Fodder (after all, if they don’t like Barber Poles, you can simply wipe them out of existence ;-)
3. Better probe card than the following Quark card for Artillery Attack.
4. An awe-inspiring play in-between your opponent’s actions with a Manheim Dimensional Doorway
5. Helpful for Secret Compartment downloads, especially with Kivas Fajo (What, you want to kill me, well say hello to my Antique Machine Gun and Varon-T Disruptor that I earned 10 points with, that I downloaded to your Cargo Bay, wasn’t that nice of you to do ;-)
6. You can use as many as you want in play, not like some of those pesky unique cards.
7. You can play them while a Goddess of Empathy is out (no Greek-looking cute counselor is going to stop me from playing my cards!  Well, maybe….. ;-)
8. Playing this lets you draw cards this turn if Kilm Dokachim is in play (of course, you’ve already used up your card play but it gives you a chance to draw a Kevin Uxbridge.
9. You have to play something while your hand is covered with unique personnel and Dixon Hill Business Card is in play. (You don’t have to but it makes the table more pretty ;-)
10. Because you can use the Obelisk of Masaka since it’s telling you that you’d rather have personnel in your opening hand than Barber Poles (Masaka knows that they’re best used near the end of the game, as a final blow to your opponent ;-)
11. Makes a great card if your opponent plays with Raise the Stakes (just be prepared for your opponent’s overwhelming sense of gratitude masked between all the ranting and ravings of not getting your foil cards ;-)
12. To assist with Bajoran practices, you use Barber Poles for Renewal Scrolls.
13. Makes a great target to use that Rishon Uxbridge on.
14. Because it’s a trooper, you can sacrifice a Barber Pole to a Warp Bubble.
15. Telepathic Alien Kidnappers really love Barber Poles.
16. A good card to save in a Zalkonian Storage Capsule, safe from prying eyes with Alien Probe.
17. What better way to savor a mission completion or battle than drawing a Barber Pole via the Agony Booth? (Because without a Barber Pole, that would be an agony all to itself)
18. I heard that Leeta has a thing about Barber Poles and Daboing and she’d like to share it with you sometime ;-)
19. Because it’s so apt, taking an opponent’s Barber Pole out of their hand with Nightmare can be downright evil (making it perfect for Borg players)
20. Speaking of which, it’s a lousy probe card for Borg objectives (which is a good thing ;-)
21. Unless they’re far-seeing (not to mention with good taste), requiring them to play Barber Poles makes for a great request of your opponent with Protection Racket (and even if they do comply, wouldn’t you be happy that you met an opponent that shared in the joy that a Barber Pole can bring? ;-)
22. Because if someone made you discard a Barber Pole, you’d never want to see it again, making it appropriate for a Burial Ground.
23. Same goes for your opponent trying to return a Barber Pole to hand with Palor Toff, it’s time to Countermanda that.  After all, Barber Poles don’t do well after being revived (Return of the Dead Barber Poles, an instant cult classic ;-)
24. Because your opponent Energy Vortex’s you from playing a Barber Pole, play that Supernova on his homeworld (serves him right! ;-)
25. Kevin your opponent’s Barber Pole.  After all, mustn’t allow such powerful cards to be used by the forces of your opponent ;-)
26. Because it’s done its job of driving your opponent nuts and because you don’t want your opponent to Kevin it and you have 9 The Line Must Be Drawn Here’s in play, Mercy Kill it.
27. Use Orb Experience to look more intently at your Barber Pole, feeling the power of the Prophets emanate from the forces of the Barber Pole.
28. Parallax Arguers.  Barber Poles are cool.  5 pts. (Like I’d miss this one ;-)
29. Remodulation these two Barber Poles for…..two more Barber Poles! ;-)
30. Use Thought Maker to place all of the Barber Poles to the surface (pointy-end up)
31. Ore Processing gets to be a little more fun with Barber Poles all around.
32. Just having it lets you draw a card at the Cochrane Memorial upon visiting it (That Zefram knew the power of the Barber Pole ;-)
33. Sure, I saw you itching about using that Kevin on your turn but with Frigid on your Kira, you best think again.
34. Trust Me, you’re going to thank me later for giving you two Barber Poles!
35. You Will in Time your opponent, punishing him for not using Barber Poles, placing whomever you want in stasis (That’ll teach you to not use Barber Poles ;-)
36. They make great proxies for online games.
37. The ability to make a tournament report just for using that card, making you well known and famous ;-)
38. Because your playing of a Barber Pole made your opponent laugh so much, he had to go to the bathroom, getting you a timed win instead of a soon-to be full loss on his next turn ;-)
39. Unlike those other cards, Barber Pole can be used by anyone.
40. If you apply on the back of your pickle-stained Galen, no one will notice.
41. Heck, in a game which a lot of people complain about Trek Sense not applying to cards, this card gets a 4 from Siskoid! ;-)
42. Gives your hand a better chance to keep that which you want with Scorched Hand.

Now, if you’re like me, which means I have a twin or a clone that I didn’t know about in which case contact me, we should be in touch.  But if you were like me, you’d want to be able to use these cards in reality, why not use the powerful Barber Pole in these 42 powerful ways.  And yes, they’re even legal ;-)

1. When you’re just unable to give someone the finger, give them the Barber Pole instead ;-)
2. You can finally have a picture of your new tattoo to show the artist.
3. You can color it and make it a nice candy cane for the holidays.
4. Because everyone can figure out how to use this card, you can try to gather more followers…..I mean players into the game ;-)
5. Because your cult needs a new icon.
6. How else are you going to make one for your store without a picture.  Of course, why you’d want to, since it’s a grocery store…..
7. It gives her a perfect reason to tell the woman you like: Yes that’s a Barber Pole in your pocket but you’re happy to see her, then you whip out……the Barber Pole ;-)
8. Chicks dig Barber Poles.  Seriously.  Even articles about Barber Poles drive some women wild ;-)
9. Helps to make a good catapult for Micro-Machines.
10. Because Gambit would’ve been even cooler if he threw Barber Poles instead of playing cards.
11. You get the royalties at the Las Vegas Hilton for suggesting Barber Poles being the sign for Jackpot on a Star Trek slot machine.
12. It’s really the secret pass card into Decipher Inc.
13. Have to fill up pictures in your wallet with something…
14. Because your song lyric needed a rhyme with casserole.
15. Prove that in the future, it doesn’t matter how smart you are, but that you have to have one kick-ass hairdo.
16. Helps distinguish you at gaming conventions from Pokemon, Magic, L5R players and especially Role-Playing players on buses from Detroit to Milwaukee at this year’s GenCon.
17. Barber Poles are international in their appeal, you can show this card and it’ll work everywhere (just be careful in some countries, it’s a symbol for something all together different than hair removal)
18. Makes for a great Christmas ornament.
19. Koalas are frightened of them, although no one knows just quite why.  It goes for gerbils as well.
20. You can use it on your door to test whether people have gone into your place while you’ve been gone.  If you’re Robert Redford, it saves your life.  If not, you’re probably not going to look that good that old ;-)
21. You have the starter to a really long, complicated automated system just to make breakfast for no other reason than because you can do it.
22. A great piece of paper to get the phone number or autograph of that certain special someone.
23. Better sounding to say that you were lifting Barber Poles than just your collection of cards for the umpteenth million time.
24. What better place to hide the password to CIA mainframes than on a Barber Pole?
25. It’s the basis for the next generation of glow sticks.
26. Honestly speaking, how many people can truly say that they have tens or hundreds of Barber Poles in their home?
27. Be able to hear Pole in a sentence that doesn’t have to do with election coverage
28. It’s kosher
29. Because it’s the real name behind British Petroleum (a.k.a. BP gas stations)
30. The initials also make the simplest of sentences.
31. It’s a sign of fertility in some houses.
32. Because if we don’t buy them, how else will our petition for there to be a Barber Pole Vault in the 2008 Olympics come true?
33. Makes for an adequate replacement polo stick.
34. Yes, Barber Poles play on tables but who plays with them on tables might surprise you.
35. Jar-Jar needs a beating but you don’t want to get your hands dirty…
36. You need another card to complain about as to why it wasn’t foiled although it might be part of another card giveaway by Decipher: The Barber Pole foil.
37. The phrase: “Maybe used everywhere VISA is accepted” is written in invisible ink on the card.  What do you mean you don’t believe me?
38. Helps to remove post-haircut/post shaving hair off one’s body without the nicks and cuts of a regular blade.
39. A Barber Pole will not be given it’s own series on any network, it prefers to control behind the scenes.
40. Microsoft is working on a Barber Pole keyboard based on said design, the upgrade will come with all new flaws to cure the old flaws that are already in this keyboard.
41. It can stop bullets.
42. Why not?

Now I know you’re thinking: “Thank you, thank you, we’re not worthy, we should give you money for such wonderful insights on such a neglected card.”  And while I’m not against money, I’d rather hear from you as to what else I might’ve missed for this card.  E-mail mrvbmrvb@pacifier.com and we’ll just see how things turn out.

Ciao for now,
 The Ninja Scot