There's no warning label.  C'mon, read it.  You know you want to.  It'll make you feel
gooooooooood....

Well, I finished Olav's breakfast burrito from McDonald's (the bastards discontinued the vegetarian burrito) and now I'm free to count a little higher on my other indexes before I have to remove my socks.  I'll go on until either I get to ten (10) or my ADD medication wears off.  (There's a funny thing in there- why do they always put a number in type, followed by the numerical version afterwards??  You'd think if you'd be able to read the form giving Power of Attorney to your cat after you die, that you'd know what ten is.  If you can't read simple numbers, what the hell are you doing signing important documents??  You should be playing MtG instead.)  I left off at 5, so naturally I'd go to 5.00001, but then I remembered we're using integers and not reals here (stupid calculus class). So away we go.

6th)  Don't comment on how good looking the actresses (or actors) are, especially while holding up their card for everyone to see.  We all don't need to be reminded of how little a life some of us actually had.  For instance, a friend of mine, named Charles L.M. (initials to protect his  identity) had one thing to say on the Voyager expansion:   Janeway's hot.  I mean, look at her hair- all bunned up nice and pretty.  And look at her face, she's wondering what type of coffee she wants now.  What else could you want in a woman??"  After this ode, the other players present took it upon themselves to speak for humanity and give Charles the beating of his life.

7th)  Yeah, I know I said it before, but even more so, read the card.  When your opponent plays something that you're not totally familiar with, read it.  You have the right to ask to read it when they play/reveal it (in the case of Hidden Agendas).  Remember text on cards.  If your opponent saves his entire Away Team from Denevan Flying Parasites with 7 Disruptor Rifles, he can't go on to pass Shaka, When the Walls Fell with Weyoun as his only source of Diplomacy.  When there are  new sets out, don't forget to read the cards.  There's usually some card that has a big impact on the game in each expansion.  When you solve all your missions on one turn, and thing you win, only to have your opponent Q the Referee for In the Zone, it's your fault, and no one else's.  Don't go into a 25 minute long ranting session.  Not only is it unsportsmanlike, but it also shows how much of an ass you are to expect the whole game to revolve around you and for everyone to inform you of what's going on.

8th)  Ships.  They're like women, either you can have too many of them, or too few.  With all the armadas going around today, having an IKC K'Vort and a Yiridian Shuttle only in your deck may not be a good idea.  Unless you can run from your opponent, it'll be very easy to stop you cold. On the  same note, too many ships is just as bad.  When your opening hand contains 5 ships, and a Wall of Ships along with a Multivector Assualt Mode, it'll be pretty hard to staff those ships.  So having the Future Enterprise, Enterprise-E, and Defiant in your deck will not guarantee a win.  Hell, your opponent with the one Bird of Prey and the shuttlecraft will be off solving missions while you're still trying to staff a ship.

// Editor's note: hey, I think the FE and Defiant are pretty darn cool! ;-)
 

9th)  When you're TDing (see previous article for explanation of the term "TD") a tournament, make sure you didn't forget how to add.  If you can't add differentials at 1:30 in the afternoon, perhaps you shouldn't wait til 8AM to go to sleep and get up at 10:30AM for a tournament the same day. People tend to get annoyed when you tell them they're in first place, and then you realize you forgot to carry a one(1) and they're actually in 3rd.

10th)  Well, you made it this far.  Feeling any effects of the article yet??  Duude, check out the Glommers.  Heh, it's purple.  Woah, all the colors are spinning clockwise and the room's going up and down.   Well, before I pass out and wake up in a pool of my own vomit, I might as well give you tip number 10.  When writing articles for online magazines, such as WNOHGB (shameless plug... or  is it?) make sure you have a viable topic.  Talking about the Cuban chick you met on a trip or your lack of math abilities do not an article make.  Make sure you have something planned out, so you're not ending your article with some stupid paragraph reflecting on the article, and just using it for filler so you can stop typing and go kick Kor's ass in STCCG.

Well, that's if for now.  Fans, stalkers, and mail bombers can reach me at brak@kedanya.org.

-Chris "Brak" O'Connell

Time to go.  The colors have started going counter-clockwise. I think I'm gonna hu-!!!