I’ve read a lot of science fiction. Some of it has described utopias, some of it has described dystopias.  Some of it has claimed we would be invaded by aliens, others have purported that we would be invading alien worlds by 2001.
        The one thing that has kept constant throughout was that sci-fi authors knew that by 2001 we would all be wearing silver futuristic jumpsuits.
        Its 2001, where’s my jumpsuit? Where’s the Gap TV commercial featuring twelve people in silver futuristic jumpsuits robot dancing to Mr. Robotto (the song by Styx) against a white background? Where are the “Everybody in Silver Futuristic Jumpsuits—Fall into the Gap” posters?
         I went to the Gap last Sunday to find out. Gap employees refused to comment about the lack of Silver jumpsuits available in their stores. I was instead directed to the sweater section where I was told I could probably find something that would suit me better.
        “That won’t do,” I said, “for one thing, that’s a deliberate evasion and for another, I’m not shopping for myself, this is for my grandmother, and she’s a silver futuristic jumpsuit kind of gal. She’s survived world war two, the great depression and Margaret Thatcher—are you telling me that the future she’s been waiting for, the future that Star Trek promised isn’t here on time because you refuse to carry silver futuristic jumpsuits?”
        “I hate to be the one to point this out,” interjected Gap shopper Danny Gibbins, obviously enjoying the chance to point it out, “but the jumpsuits they wore on Star Trek were not Silver.”
        Regardless of colour, there were few jumpsuits to be seen. Instead people are wearing vaguely metallic jeans, overly fuzzy sweaters and short-sleeved shrugs.  Who thinks of these things? Short-sleeved shrugs? For those of you who don’t know what a shrug is (I was blissfully unaware of “Shrugs” a short while ago before asking someone at the Gap), it is a set of sleeves attached by a band at the back. One supposes that a shrug could be useful if you are wearing a sleeveless shirt—but that leaves me still wondering what purpose a short sleeved shrug would have… it’s sleeves with no shirt, with no sleeves either?  If Orange was the Pink of 2000, and Pink was the Black of 1999, then I guess that means that Silver should be the Orange of 2001.  Since Retro 1980 was hip three years ago, and 1979 was the rage a year and a half ago that means that 1978 and therefore jumpsuits, should be in again--by the numbers, Silver Futuristic Jumpsuits should have been the look for 2001 and yet I have yet to see them on the runways of Milan or Paris.
    La Senza, Randy River, Eddie Bauer, the Bay, Club Monaco and Le Chateau were also notably free of silver futuristic jumpsuits. The one highlight of an otherwise silver-futuristic-jumpsuitless day was when I went to Divine on 17th avenue. Though the selection was small, Divine had the kind of futuristic clothing that I had been promised—not just silver jumpsuits, but a variety of garments directly from the covers of Astounding Adventures and Galaxy Sci-fi magazine.