// Editor's note: at the request of the author, the profanity has not been removed from this article.  You've been warned.

The contents of the following article are intended for Star Trek Card Gamers, and as such, any Magic Geeks who venture beyond this point are likely to be offended. This is their own problem, and I could care less about any of their miserable subhuman get who dislike what I have to say. Suck it up.

I am recognized in the local gaming shoppe as being the Star Trek Card Game person. I play the game. I run tournaments. I promote the game, and will teach others to do so. It is known among most of the local Magic players that I am the current STCCG sealed deck champion. My name is known, and people hang out with me. I play a variety of card games besides STCCG, though none has held my interest.  People are always coming up to me and saying (I use the word saying, because they never seem to make it a question or a statement, they only say it to hear themselves talk) "Star Trek the card game huh? Well you can ‘beam me up skippy!’" I don't dignify it with an answer... it doesn't require one.  Often times, to my dismay, they continue. "I bought a starter deck of that when it first came out. I pulled a Deanna Troi. I never played it because Magic is a better game."  (I never point out that they aren't fit to judge which is a better game if they haven't played both. I fail to point it out because it would be a waste of breath.) They seem offended that I will not buy it off them, and  so they try to wheedle. "Oh," I will reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm, "my God, how amazing, I am in awe, in terror, thrilled that I can stand in the presence of someone magnificent enough to have pulled Deanna Troi."

Sometimes the Magic Player doesn't catch on that I am nonplussed. "Scrye lists it as a $9 card, do you want to buy it from me?" They utter. "No," I will reply, being as blunt as possible, "I don't want to buy a Fucking White Border Deanna Troi. Nor a Black border one. I don't want to buy any cards of some fuckwit MtG player. I don't want it for 4.50. I don't want it for 1. I just don't want it at all. I won’t trade you any Magic the Gathering cards for it. I like having my set of four Undermines, and no, they are not for trade for a White Bordered God Damned Deanna Troi! Yes, I know she is "Bridge Crew" ooh...am I supposed to be impressed that you know the STCCG "lingo"? Well I'm not. What is wrong with you? Do you wake up in the middle of the night screaming because you realize that you are part of the problem? What have you ever done in your miserable existence? What qualifies you to be called human? Answer me! Answer me damn you! Do you vote? Are you capable of voting? Do you have opposable thumbs? Show me your thumbs!!!"

Do these people realize that if I am good at a card game, it goes to follow that I will have the cards already? Do they realize that if I have played 200 tournament games of STCCG, I probably have a solid collection? Do they realize that I don’t give a rats ass that they once considered playing STCCG? Do they realize that if I am in the middle of a game in a tournament, I am probably there to play a game, not to negotiate the purchase of second hand fourth rate cards? What do they think—that since the store won’t buy it off them, that it is my duty to do so? That if the store already has seventeen copies of a card that I won’t have access to it? How would they feel if I hung around their god damned tournaments trying to hawk a copy of some sheite rare, and refused to take “no” for an answer? How would they feel if I tried to tell them how their game is played and what a great card “Munga Worm” was, and that they should be playing it in their decks after buying a copy off me? I've taken to carrying around a Blackbordered copy of "Evil Eye of Orms By Gore." When I am presented with a cardgaming moron acting like a lobotomized Ferengi, I follow suit. "Well Scrye lists this as a 12$ card! you should buy it off me!" is my current modus operandi, sometimes I follow this up with “but it’s a card from the set “Legends!” that’s a hot set!”. I suggest you do the same… perhaps these fowl, filthy Magic players will get the hint.
Olav.net