I always wondered why Cassie Claire never did Bilbo's. After all, she likes hobbits.

The Very Secret Diary of Bilbo Baggins, Retired Adventurer

Day 1
Slept a bunch. Decided to have extra special party for eleventy-first. Lots of weed and ale. Might have to give speech. How can piss off relatives this time?

Day 3
Going to speak in riddles! After all, won me precious.

Day 4
Just realized is Frodo's 33rd birthday too. Hmm, what to give cute young cousin that won't make Sam kill me?

Day 7
Party tomorrow! Yay! Gandalf just showed up. Stupid wizard… was supposed to be here last week to help arrange "Turn Lobelia into frog" trick. But wizards are wizards and arrive precisely when they mean to. Except when have weed withdrawal so can't move faster than 3000 year old man. On second thought, is 3000 year old man. Maybe just that slow because is old.

Day 8
Hobbits so stupid. Give them big birthday cake and lots of weed and they start cheering anything. Even cheered when I told them obvious fact of age. Still, not happy when I started riddles. In fact, mad enough that plan to leave Shire. Quickly.
Later
Left, but stupid wizard did cheap trick to make me leave ring behind. Miss precious.

Day 25
Elrond says hobbits on way here. Wonder if Frodo with them. Probably not… too in love with Shire to leave.

Day 27
Frodo came! Is sleeping off wound from Ringwraith sword. Should have given him mithril coat *before* leaving Shire. Can't get near him, as Sam keeps giving him baths. Came with Arwen's sorta boyfriend. Is obviously pervy Frodo fancier. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day 29
Frodo brought Precious! Won't let me see it after went all scary on him. Says is going to destroy it. Hope is just excuse to stay with Aragorn longer. On second thought, maybe not.

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