Well, I haven't given up hope for an official version of her diary, but Spring Break can be very inspirational and boring. So, my first Two Towers diary.


The Very Secret Diary of Éowyn, Daughter of Éomund

Day 1
Tried to decide on dress to wear. Too hard, so have decided to change every time I go somewhere. Wonder how long will take stupid men around here to notice. Wish could meet men elsewhere.

Day 4
Uncle Théoden's new minion arrived today. Thought would be different - never saw a man without eyebrows before. Spent 30 minutes trying to get him to stop calling Uncle "Saruman". Have at least convinced to say "King Saruman."
No one noticed kept changing clothes. Stupid men.

Day 6
Wormtongue *is* different. Unfortunately is v. offputting.

Day 7
Only worthwhile man in Edoras died. Everyone else is too old, too insignificant, or my stupid brother. Went on about Wormtongue haunting my steps. At least Wormtongue notices that am wearing different dress every time he sees me.
Éomer banished. Guess am heir now. Oh wait, stupid law. Would make better king than stupid brother anyway.

Day 9
Stormcrow attacked castle today. Brought three boys. Suspect nancing Elf is jealous of how pretty I am. Hit on Stormcrow's bodyguard, who just rambled on about his stubble. Except when claimed should be king. Ha. Only a blonde has the intelligence to rule Rohan, not some black-haired fool who can't even grow a decent beard.
Have decided to give up on Men.

Day 10
Set out for Helm's Deep. Hit on the Dwarf. Reminded me of Wormtongue. Dwarves no better than Men.

Day 11
Left the men after blowup with Legolas. Offered to combine our beauty. Threw a fit about never being prettiest again if we did that.
May just find a woman.
Also, have gone back to just wearing the same old thing all the time. What's the point of changing if no one notices?

Day 13
Men arrived. Stupid Aragorn not with them. Gimli said he rode a Warg off a cliff. Whose side is he on, anyway, if he's riding a Warg?

Day 14
Aragorn showed up late. Thought heard Legolas tell him to shove a poke bonnet up his butt. Must remember to brush up on Elvish later.
Big battle starting tonight. Uncle is assembling everyone who can fight. Have not yet been called but should be any second now.

Day 15
Never got called so just appeared. Was sent back to caves.
Wrote a letter to a surgeon in Edoras applying for a sex change.

Day 16
Hey! Locked in caves! Heard evil chuckle from Gimli. "Now Legolas is prettiest. Maybe will shag me now!" V. disturbing.
Have picked out name for after surgery.


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