At one point, Cassie claire said her next diary would be The One Ring, so I figured why not write one and see how mine compared?


V Secret Diary of the Ring

Day 1.
Forged in hot lava. Ow. Never want to come back here again.

Day 5.
Found out am One Ring to Rule Them All. V. impressive. Wonder what “all” I rule. Go me!

Day 7.
Oh. Rule other fancy rings forged by Sauron. May have to re-evaluate my Lord. Seems is not such nice, generous guy after all. Came home screaming that purple does so make Elrond look like eggplant.

Day 10.
Elrond marched with an alliance of men and elves. Wore purple battle armor. Yep, looks like eggplant. Never seen eggplant with tiara before. V. interesting.

Day 11.
Cut off Lord's hand by small human. Human picked me up. Eggplant, who must be boyfriend, tried to get him to throw me away, but he refused. Go me! Miss Lord. Stupid eggplant.

Day 14.
Human killed by Orc arrows taking me to Gondor. Fell into Anduin. Is v. nice here, but boring. Must get self picked up somehow.

Day Day 1,222,321.
Not picked up yet. Still bored. Latched onto fish for short bit. Fish too stupid to notice was invisible.

Day Day 2,351,436.
Still on bottom of stupid river. Crab tried to eat me.

Day Day 3,510,479.
Still in river. Am afraid am beginning to rust.

Day Day 3,857,245.
Yay! Got picked up! Silly-looking creature. Killed by boyfriend for not giving me as birthday present. Am not birthday present. Am One Ring. Stupid creature.

Day 3,857,247.
Creature calls himself “Gollum”. Stupid name. Should call self Bobby. Is much more dignified. Think will use.

Day 3,857,301.
Bobby kicked out of house for thieving. Insists on calling me “precious”. Am not precious. Am One Ring. Stupid Bobby. Going to mountains to live in a cave.

Day 3,857,488.
Unable to find good cave. Bobby wants big and isolated. I want way out so can find new bearer.

Day 3,857,509.
Bobby finally found cave. Always playing with me, calling me precious. Insists on doing horrible things with me. Am not boyfriend. Am One Ring. Want new master. At least have good escape route when time comes.

Day 4,087,123.
Bobby not aging well. Now resembles overgrown frog. Wonder if should lure Orcs down here to kill him. Orcs would be good bearers.

Day 4,298,129.
Felt Lord’s power! Escaped silly Bobby. Picked up by small creature who resembles Bobby when he was younger. Is no match for Lord. Hope will take me to him.

Day 4,298,140.
New creature is Bilbo. Is rather cute. Is not taking me to Lord after all. Took me to dragon instead. Helped Bilbo escape dragon, as otherwise would never return to Lord. Learned that creatures are called hobbits. Another silly name.

Day 4,347,476.
Big party for Bilbo’s 111th birthday. Used me to play trick on other hobbits. Little blue-eyed hobbit who lives with him not amused. Found out Bilbo was leaving me. Tried to get him to take me with him, but big grey wizard with pointy hat made him leave me behind. Stupid wizard. Little blue-eyed hobbit claimed me as own. Am not his. Am Lord’s. Oh well.

Day 4,347,508.
Big wizard threw me in fire. Laughed, as is nowhere near as hot as fire in which was forged. Frodo finally noticed my pretty inscription. Learned more about purpose. Like sound of binding other rings in darkness. Then have lots of friends!

Day 4,347,510.
Went to Bree with Frodo and three other hobbits. Really starting to like hobbits, especially Pippin. Or is that Merry? Never can tell the difference.

Day 4,347,511.
Tricked Frodo into wearing me. Big man descended from idiot who threw me in the river yelled at him, then joined the party. Obviously into Frodo. Sam will kill him
if he tries anything.

Day 4,347,514.
Big council. Run by Eggplant. Stupid dwarf hit me with axe. Broke axe, then offered it to Frodo when Frodo volunteered to take me home. Idiot’s heir also coming, as are hobbits. Gay elf coming too, and man who seems to like me. Wonder if can snare one into stealing me?

Day 4,347,516.
Wizard fell into shadow. Warned him would be trouble when he didn’t let Bilbo take me. Stupid wizard. Everyone else v. sad. Wonder why.

Day 4,347,517.
In Lothlorien. Frodo offered me to silly elf queen. Wonder why did that? Elf queen fell under my power, but refused. Had v. nice ring of her own. Wonder if is one I rule.
Would impress her?

Day 4,347,520.
River trip boring, though is nice to see long-time home again. Never liked water anyway.

Day 4,347,521.
Finally ensnared Boromir. Go me! Tried to take me from Frodo. Frodo of course used me to get away. Boromir killed, Merry and Pippin captured. Frodo ran off with me, but Sam chased. Frodo and Sam now all left between me and Lord. Should be back with Lord by tomorrow. Go Lord!


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